Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Eileen Felix Johnson

Last night just after 11PM my last living grandparent passed away. Please allow me to use this post as a place for me to gather all my thoughts.
I have many mixed emotions right now. I know and have a testimony of the Plan of Salvation so I know this is not the end of my associations with my grandma. I know that her passing was an answer to prayers because she was in pain and her body was shutting down. I know that she is now reunited with my grandpa, who died last May. I'm grateful for this knowledge.

But at the same time this knowledge does not take away the stinging reality--I no longer have any of my grandparents left on the earth. It doesn't take away the pain of knowing my daughter will never meet such an amazing woman. A part of me was hoping she'd make it until June so that we could bring our daughter to see her.

To lose my grandma Johnson is probably one of the hardest grandparents to lose for me because she has always been so easy to talk to, probably because she is my maternal grandma and thus our interactions often times were just like my interactions with my mother. Her home and her presence were a comfort to me during my time at BYU when I was so far away from my own mother.
Eileen is who inspired me to want to cook well and use lots of butter when cooking :); she is who inspired me to read lots of books and be well educated on things--she was a teacher by profession and spent most of her time these last few years reading and staying up-to-date on the news despite not having vision in one of her eyes; according to Chase she is who I get my feisty, stubborn nature from at times :); and she is who I believe I gained a lot of my musical talent from. It was fitting that one of the last requests she made of me was to come sing to her in the hospital.

I will always remember how sharp she was even at the end of her life. When she was emitted last week into the hospital, Chase and I went and stayed with her until my aunt arrived. I talked to her about what I am teaching at school right now: the life of Joseph F. Smith. Even while on oxygen and heavy pain meds, she responded and even chimed in with her two cents. I hope I am as sharp as she was when I reach the end of my life.

Thanks for sticking it through so many years of pain Grandma. Thanks for supporting me and Chase at our wedding. Thanks for always being so interested in our life. I'm glad you are free from your frail, pain ridden body and with Grandpa. I love you and will miss you so much.

11 comments:

Kendra said...

Christy I'm so sorry for your loss. Although all those things are true that you mentioned, it's absolutely difficult to lose a family member and especially your last grandparent. I hope you can find peace and comfort during this time.

Court said...

Oh Christy, I am so sorry. I have only lost one of my grandparents, and I was only 11 when it happened, but I know what you mean... even knowing and having a testimony of the Plan of Salvation doesn't take away the hurt. I just shed some tears over Papa Joe a couple weeks ago, and it's been a long time since he passed. It's just not the same without them here. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you!

Megs said...

Christy, our hearts and prayers are with you. Your grandma sounds like a wonderful woman and example. Love you!

Holly said...

Oh Christy, I'm so sorry to hear this. You & your family will be in our prayers--hang in there.

Leanne said...

I am so sorry! The Plan of Salvation is extremely comforting, but you are right. The loss of a loved one still stings. Especially since she was the last living grandparent. You sure have some beautiful pictures with her though! My prayers are with you at this hard time.

Alisa F. said...

I know you posted those thoughts for you, but thank you for sharing them with us. I have also lost all my grandparents and I know how hard it is, even with the knowledge we have. I know you wanted your little girl to meet your grandmother here, but I guarantee, she's meeting her right now, telling her how lucky she's going to be to have you for a mom. You're in my prayers Christy.

C and K said...

Sorry for your loss Christy! She must be so proud of you! We are thinking of you!

Rachael said...

what a beautiful relationship to have had with her.

Devry said...

Christy, so sorry to hear of your loss. It's never easy to go through. We'll be praying for you and your family.

Rachel said...

I'm sorry for you loss, Christy. She sounds like an amazing women who was a wonderful inspiration and example. You and your family are in our prayers

Jon and Tina said...

So sorry to hear about your Grandma! Very excited to hear Chase's news. Way to go. That's awesome. Thanks for your comment on our blog. We miss Provo life so much and of course having you as our neighbors! How are you feeling?